Your values are what you treasure. It’s what you hold dear.
When your values are not aligned with someone or something, you will
feel discourse and out of sorts. I can’t stress how important it is
to have a list with a detailed description of your values so you can
adjust your love radar connection in the right direction.
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Many people have their love connection radar off and they are choosing the
inappropriate people to date based upon the wrong criteria. When you
adjust your love connection radar through your values, you will make
better choices for yourself and you will recognize a good potential
mate sooner than later.
So how do your values help you with finding that special person?
Here is a 3 Step Motivated to Marry
Dating Secrets System:
- First CLARIFY WHO would be a good match for you.
Once you have a detailed description list of your values written out,
then you have to figure out which ones are your PERSONAL VALUES and
which are your RELATIONSHIP VALUES. Your RELATIONSHIP VALUES need to
be aligned with your life partner and your PERSONAL VALUES need to be supported by your partner.
- Next FOCUS on WHERE to go to find people who share your core RELATIONSHIP VALUES.
You will be able to figure out where you are going to meet people who
share your values? You will find that you will connect with people
because you share similar values. For instance, if you have a value
around giving back to your community, you may find singles’ volunteer
opportunities so you can meet other single people who feel the same
desire. Also, it’s important to express your values in your online
dating profile so you will attract the right people to your profile!
Moreover, you can tell the connectors in your life WHO you are
looking for based upon these RELATIONSHIP VALUES so they can easily
think about who they know to introduce you to that would be a great
match.
- Last, your RELATIONSHIP VALUES will SOLIDIFY your CONNECTION to your romantic partner.
By honoring your CORE RELATIONSHIP values, you have the glue that
will keep you together during the ups and downs of a relationship.
When you share and support one another’s values, you both get one
another and find that you have an appreciative, supportive, respectful
and caring partner. This will give you the best chance for your future
happiness in your romantic love partnership.
By disregarding your RELATIONSHIP VALUES you are missing the
one thing that can make dating easier so you can determine who is a
good fit, as well as, a way to kindly pass on those who don’t share
your core VALUES.
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It’s
common for many people (especially women) to find themselves in an
abusive relationship at some point in their lives. Maybe it’s a
boyfriend who is physically abusive, or a girlfriend who is controlling
and emotionally manipulative. Regardless, I often see the rationalizing
of major dysfunction. Many of us would rather put up with abuse and
dysfunction in our relationships than be alone, so we go to great
lengths to minimize or deny any abusive behaviour.
“Well, she’s not like that all the time.”
“It isn’t really that bad.”
“It’s no big deal. That’s just the way our relationship is.”
No relationship is perfect. Each one has its fault lines and issues,
but there comes a point when a challenging relationship becomes a
destructive one, and when abusive patterns have emerged that line has
been crossed.
Sometimes denial can run deep. If we don’t identify and end the
abusive relationship until it has run its course, we will be heartbroken
and devastated. Or maybe we believe we’re the one sent into this
person’s life to do the saving, to make them a better person, and so we
wear the abuse as a kind of badge of honour. Maybe it brings us some
kind of self-righteous satisfaction that we’re suffering for a greater
purpose and are willing to love someone so “complicated.”
Regardless of your particular situation, if you are involved in an
abusive relationship—whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or
sexual—you need to end it. You know it’s unhealthy, and chances are it’s
negatively impacting every area of your life, including your
relationship with God. You should talk to a friend, parent, or pastor
you trust who can help you transition out of your relationship.
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This piece of advice often comes from one of my high school students
when we brainstorm relationship advice together as a group. All of us go
through a stage where we assume we’re a boyfriend or girlfriend away
from having it all. We believe that if we could find our “true love,”
all the issues that bring us down will fade into the background. We
believe that love, peace, and joy will flood into our lives and give us
our “happily ever after.”
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Falling in love and being in love is awesome, but if we think a
relationship is what will save us from loneliness, low self-esteem, and
purposelessness, we’re just wrong. No matter how good, godly, and
healthy a relationship may be, it cannot fully satisfy the deeper
spiritual hungers within you. To enter into any relationship with the
expectation that it will be the key to a happy life is to place an
idolatrous, unhealthy, and unrealistic expectation on it. This
expectation will only suffocate any potential for the relationship to
grow in a healthy way. We must never ask or assume another person can
provide what only God can.
When we stop looking to a relationship to be
the key that will unlock the potential of our lives, we open up space
for healthy relationships to emerge into what they are meant to be.
