Saturday 9 January 2016

When Dating For Marriage - It's all about Values


Your values are what you treasure.  It’s what you hold dear.  When your values are not aligned with someone or something, you will feel discourse and out of sorts.  I can’t stress how important it is to have a list with a detailed description of your values so you can adjust your love radar connection in the right direction.  

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Many people have their love connection radar off and they are choosing the inappropriate people to date based upon the wrong criteria.  When you adjust your love connection radar through your values, you will make better choices for yourself and you will recognize a good potential mate sooner than later.

So how do your values help you with finding that special person? 
Here is a 3 Step Motivated to Marry Dating Secrets System:
  1.  First CLARIFY WHO would be a good match for you.
    Once you have a detailed description list of your values written out, then you have to figure out which ones are your PERSONAL VALUES and which are your RELATIONSHIP VALUES.   Your RELATIONSHIP VALUES need to be aligned with your life partner and your PERSONAL VALUES need to be supported by your partner. 
  2.  Next FOCUS on WHERE to go to find people who share your core RELATIONSHIP VALUES. 
    You will be able to figure out where you are going to meet people who share your values?  You will find that you will connect with people because you share similar values.  For instance, if you have a value around giving back to your community, you may find singles’ volunteer opportunities so you can meet other single people who feel the same desire.  Also, it’s important to express your values in your online dating profile so you will attract the right people to your profile! Moreover, you can tell the connectors in your life WHO you are looking for based upon these RELATIONSHIP VALUES so they can easily think about who they know to introduce you to that would be a great match. 
  3. Last, your RELATIONSHIP VALUES will SOLIDIFY your CONNECTION to your romantic partner.  
    By honoring your CORE RELATIONSHIP values, you have the glue that will keep you together during the ups and downs of a relationship.  When you share and support one another’s values, you both get one another and find that you have an appreciative, supportive, respectful and caring partner.  This will give you the best chance for your future happiness in your romantic love partnership.  
By disregarding your RELATIONSHIP VALUES you are missing the one thing that can make dating easier so you can determine who is a good fit, as well as, a way to kindly pass on those who don’t share your core VALUES.   

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Wednesday 6 January 2016

Don’t Rationalize An Abusive Relationship

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It’s common for many people (especially women) to find themselves in an abusive relationship at some point in their lives. Maybe it’s a boyfriend who is physically abusive, or a girlfriend who is controlling and emotionally manipulative. Regardless, I often see the rationalizing of major dysfunction. Many of us would rather put up with abuse and dysfunction in our relationships than be alone, so we go to great lengths to minimize or deny any abusive behaviour.

“Well, she’s not like that all the time.”
“It isn’t really that bad.”
“It’s no big deal. That’s just the way our relationship is.”

No relationship is perfect. Each one has its fault lines and issues, but there comes a point when a challenging relationship becomes a destructive one, and when abusive patterns have emerged that line has been crossed.

Sometimes denial can run deep. If we don’t identify and end the abusive relationship until it has run its course, we will be heartbroken and devastated. Or maybe we believe we’re the one sent into this person’s life to do the saving, to make them a better person, and so we wear the abuse as a kind of badge of honour. Maybe it brings us some kind of self-righteous satisfaction that we’re suffering for a greater purpose and are willing to love someone so “complicated.”
Regardless of your particular situation, if you are involved in an abusive relationship—whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or sexual—you need to end it. You know it’s unhealthy, and chances are it’s negatively impacting every area of your life, including your relationship with God. You should talk to a friend, parent, or pastor you trust who can help you transition out of your relationship.

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Saturday 2 January 2016

Don’t believe that romantic relationships are the key to happiness and fulfillment

This piece of advice often comes from one of my high school students when we brainstorm relationship advice together as a group. All of us go through a stage where we assume we’re a boyfriend or girlfriend away from having it all. We believe that if we could find our “true love,” all the issues that bring us down will fade into the background. We believe that love, peace, and joy will flood into our lives and give us our “happily ever after.”

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Falling in love and being in love is awesome, but if we think a relationship is what will save us from loneliness, low self-esteem, and purposelessness, we’re just wrong. No matter how good, godly, and healthy a relationship may be, it cannot fully satisfy the deeper spiritual hungers within you. To enter into any relationship with the expectation that it will be the key to a happy life is to place an idolatrous, unhealthy, and unrealistic expectation on it. This expectation will only suffocate any potential for the relationship to grow in a healthy way. We must never ask or assume another person can provide what only God can. 

When we stop looking to a relationship to be the key that will unlock the potential of our lives, we open up space for healthy relationships to emerge into what they are meant to be.