Have you met someone nice and you want to date her? Planning a date
for her could be really stressful if you do not know what to do. With
good planning, you can create a date that she will reminisce even years
after. To save you of the stress and anxiety, here are some tips in planning a perfect date for the girl of your dreams.
Do not panic and relax. Although a date can make or break your future relationship with the girl of your dreams,
relax because getting anxious cannot help you in the planning. You can think and decide clearly if you are calm.
It is normal to get nervous thinking about the date you are going to
have with her but do no let your nervousness rule you. Be positive and
always think that everything will turn out well.
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If this is your first date with her, it is more appropriate to have a
lunch date. First dates should not be stressful and you both should
feel comfortable with each other. Dinner date on a fancy restaurant for a
first date could be really serious and too much formality can be really
uncomfortable for both of you. Choose a less formal venue and have the
date at lunch time so your date will just be light and fun. With less
formality, you and your date will get to know each other more.
It is important to be punctual. In planning a date for her, the venue
and the activities you both want to do are important but if you appear
late on your date, you will ruin a supposedly perfect time. So plan accordingly and make sure to show up
before the scheduled time.
In planning a date for her, take note that this is about her. It can
be overwhelming to think about the venue, the food you are going to
order, your attire etc. that you may forget
that this date is about her. Always have her in mind when planning. Know what she likes to do and what will make her feel
special. It will be great if you have a common hobby or interest that
you can together to make the date interactive.
Clean your car and your place. If you offer to pick her up, clean you
car if you want to leave a good first impression. Accept it or not, a
man can be judged by how he takes care of his things. A well-kept and
clean car can leave a good first impression on her. You do not know if
she will end up hanging out in your place so tidy up just in
case
.
Always have a back up plan. You will never know the circumstances, so
it is best to have a back up plan just in case something goes wrong
with your original plan. This will also show how flexible you are, a
trait most women admire.
Be prepared to pay for the whole date. Some women are comfortable
sharing with the expenses but you should be prepared to pay for the
whole date. In planning, keep your budget in mind. Do not
make plans for something that is beyond your financial capability.
Remember that a perfect date does not have to be expensive. But if you can
afford it, there is nothing wrong to be extravagant but you have to be
careful not to send the wrong message.
Planning a perfect date is the first step in attracting the woman of your dreams.
Have you ever disappointed someone or broken a promise? Was the
incident serious enough to ultimately compromise the trust between you?
We all have been untrustworthy at some point. That doesn't mean that
we're bad or selfish. Sometimes, even under the best of circumstances,
we let people down. We give them information believing it to be true
only to discover it lacked integrity. "You lied to me! I'll never trust
you again!"
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There are some who will deliberately mislead others. While they
reassure you they are trustworthy their actions contradict their words.
We've also been deceived by those we believed in. "I promise if you
tell me about your brother-in-law's affair I won't say a word to anyone.
You can trust me." "I promise to love and honor you through good times
and bad all the days of our lives." (That one hits home for a lot of us
doesn't it?) Or perhaps a co-worker steals your idea and receives company
recognition rightly belonging to you. Your underage child assures you
that there will be no alcohol at Saturday's party then stumbles home at 2
am reeking of beer. A minor infraction ("I know I promised to be at
your retirement
dinner but I totally forgot it was this weekend.") may be easily
overlooked. One of a more serious nature ("I can't pay back the money
you loaned me to buy a new car.") might require more than a simple
"Oops, sorry!" to move beyond.
A damaged trust can completely destroy an
important relationship.
There is a strong connection between trust and anger. My definition
of fear is "a lack of trust". We are leery of those we find unreliable.
"I have to watch what I say around Uncle Joe. He can get nasty and
volatile." We may feel as though we are walking on eggshells around
those we are suspect of. This anxiety (a mild form of fear - one of the three root causes of anger) can easily convert to anger as a means of self-protection.
Some believe that once broken a trust can never be rebuilt. I'm not one of those people. I've personally regained my faith
in someone who deeply deceived me and restored a wonderful relationship
with him that continues today. I've also witnessed couples rebuild
their fractured marriages after a painful infidelity.
But unlike respect, trust must be earned. Like many others I've learnt
the hard way that not all people are deserving of trust. But there are
specific steps one can take to restore a broken relationship:
1. Consider the true nature and moral values of the offending party. Was this an isolated incident or a habitual pattern of behaviour? Even the most astute people sometimes act imprudently.
2. Has the offending party acknowledged their mistake? Awareness is the first key necessary for any restoration to occur.
3. Have they offered a sincere apology and displayed a willingness to
make amends or restitution? Saying "I'm sorry" is only the first phase.
One needs to take the necessary steps to rectify the offence.
4. Does the individual fully understand the underlying issues that
precluded their actions? By doing so, they are better equipped to
prevent a recurrence.
5. Have they been willing to see the situation through your eyes? Do
they fully understand the depth and scope of how this has affected you?
Do they "get it"? Empathy and compassion lessens the risk of a
recurrence.
6. Have they made the necessary changes and proven themselves to be
consistent? Words are cheap; actions reveal. Only through repeated
uniform acts can one prove they are reliable and worthy of your trust.
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If all of the above components are present then individuals can move
beyond the unfortunate incident and ultimately repair and rebuild the
relationship. Like a broken bone: the area of the fracture, once healed,
is stronger than that which has always remained intact.
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God wants to help you keep your word.
Bible Numbers 30:2 Around 1300 years before the birth of Jesus the
leaders of the Israelite tribes were gathered before Moses prior to
entering the promised land. Moses reminded the tribe leaders that God
had kept his word and they were about to enter the land that had been
promised. Their lesson that day was to teach their tribal family
the importance of keeping their word, like God does; to not make
promises lightly and without intention of keeping them and for parents
to teach their children this lesson as well.
All these years later, God expects the same from you and I. Keeping our word means to not knowingly:
1. Lie.
2. Create or imply distortions of the truth (no exaggerations).
3. Deceive others for financial or personal gain.
There are lots of excuses why we sometimes break our promises, but God
has implored us to not make promises we cannot keep. Sometimes we say
yes when we really wanted to say no:
• To avoid confrontation.
• To puff up our ego by saying something more important came up.
• We never really wanted to do it in the first place, but our "people pleaser" couldn't say no.
The consequences of not keeping your word are many and painful. Parents
were right when they warned that every action has a reaction, or
consequence. By not keeping your word:
• People will no longer trust you.
• God will find your words meaningless.
• You'll hurt others.
• You'll damage your character and your integrity will be broken.
• Your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health will be compromised causing you great unhappiness.
Instead of making promises, vows or oaths you don't think you can keep, you might try saying these five things instead:
1. I'll have to get back with you on that - and then get back to them quickly after you've prayed about it.
2. That doesn't work for me. I'm just not comfortable with that.
3. Say no.
4. Say maybe next time, if you really mean it.
5. Say that is not part of my values.
Keeping your word can seem unimportant when you're promising something
as simple as taking out the trash after dinner and then "forget." But it
IS important because now the person you've promised thinks you lie and
"forgetting" is just seen as another excuse. Your word truly is your
bond of character and integrity. Now the person you've made a promise to
doesn't trust you and you can't be very surprised when you make them
another promise later on and you get the old raised eyebrow.
Breaking your word is a weakness God can fix. If you look back over the
last week and realize you didn't keep your word with someone, pray and
ask God for forgiveness, ask for the strength to keep your word from now on and then go tell them the truth:
• I was afraid to say no.
• I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
• Or whatever your real reason was and I'm sorry.
By fixing your mistake you will regain the trust of the person you let
down, you will stand in good grace with God and you will rest easy at
night with a clear conscience when you lay your head upon your pillow.
God wants to help you keep your word.
You are so loved.
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Many couples operate under the assumption that being in a
relationship means to be bossed around, told what to do, and to loose
their personal freedom and choices. I have heard references to young
couples getting engaged as “he bit the bullet” and other similar
degrading remarks.
I’m sure you have heard before couples complain about how their
partner wants to change and control them and references to partners
being “trained,” “whipped,” “on a short leash,” etc. All these really
set up the stage to struggle in one’s relationship.
After the “infatuation” stage, the honeymoon period, is over and the
“power struggle” sets in (the second stage of relationships), we get
stuck in our perspectives and have repeating arguments and conflicts. We
try to resolve and address this by wanting and trying to change our
partner.
When we address our relationship thinking that we have to change our
partner so that we get along better, so we’d like our partner better and
to get our needs met we are setting ourselves up for dissatisfaction.
Partners CANNOT be changed. Yes, you read that right. They cannot be
changed. Please, read that again: They cannot be changed. I can’t
emphasize this enough. I come across this concept probably more so that
the average person in my I work with couples and creating changes. It is
very frustrating to watch couples beat each other up with hurtful words
and actions because each partner is entrenched in their views and
stance and they want to change their partner.
Why would you want to change your partner anyway? If they changed
they would no longer be the person you fell in love with… Personality
and people’s core are very difficult, if not impossible to change. What
we really want to change is the partners’ behaviors and their reactions
toward each other. These are changeable.
But, the catch here is that the partners cannot change each other.
Whenever you see couples with partners who supposedly changed their
partner what you are actually seeing is dynamics with baggage at work.
The partners are actually not really satisfied in their relationship.
Take a closer look.
If the couple looks very different from how they were and appear to
be getting along nicely – then the partners have both mutually worked at
changing themselves within the relationship. They have compromised and
resolved issues. One did not change the other…
So, the point is you cannot change your partner and your partner
can’t change who they are, but both your behaviors and reactions can be
changed. AND, each partner is responsible for owning up to their own
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and the changes made in them. Stop
trying to change your partner – it doesn’t work. Only they can change
their behaviors and reactions.
Another very common and frustrating mistake partners make, is that
once partners understand this concept they now wait for their partner to
change their behavior. And they wait. And they wait. And the will continue to wait forever…
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Change in relationships happen when one partner owns up to their
stuff and create their OWN changes. If both partners are doing this,
then change in the relationship is imminent. If both partners are not
working together as allies yet, the trick is to take ownership and
change oneself, take the initiative – the other will have no choice but
to change in response. This is the only way that you can actually change
your partner – inviting them to change… Remember – It Takes Two To
Tango!
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The temptation to rebound with an immediate dating relationship after
one has ended is enormous. Why? Because we’ve been in a relationship
long enough that we’ve become accustomed to having someone to call,
touch, and hang out with. To go from that to nothing feels like the rug
has been pulled out from under us, and our first instincts are to get
ourselves back into a relationship as soon as possible in order to avoid
the awkwardness of readjusting to being single. But when we start
relationships in order to avoid being single, we’re actually just using
the new guy or girl for our own selfish ends. That foundation isn’t
going to take us very far, and we should expect more heartache to come
if we just rush into new relationships after ending old ones.
If a relationship doesn’t work (for whatever reason), it’s always
important to take some time away from dating relationships and
recalibrate our hearts and minds. We need to carve out time to reflect
on what went wrong, and why. We should explore how we need to grow from
our experiences in the previous relationship so that future
relationships are healthier and more Christ-centred. Relationships teach
us a lot if we’re willing to listen to the lessons. Be sure to carve
out at least three months between dating relationships so that you can
focus on learning whatever lessons God wants to teach you during your
time of transition.
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Break up well.
This might be one of the
most surprising and overlooked pieces of advice on the subject
of building healthy relationships, but it’s so important. Nothing tests
the genuineness of our discipleship commitment to Jesus than our
willingness to refuse to blame, badmouth, or hurt the other person
during a break-up.
A break-up usually results in a lot of hurt for everyone involved.
Two people who once thought of each other as “true loves” now become
enemies looking to strike back at each other. However, it’s exactly in
this new and awkward context that Jesus’ challenge to love our enemies
(Matthew 5:44) comes into play.
If we’re the ones doing the breaking up, we need to do so in a way
that minimizes the emotional damage for the other person. We’re going to
cause hurt, so we need to be as gentle, reasonable, and kind as humanly
possible. Being rejected is a horrible feeling, and we don’t need to
escalate those feelings (even if we think the other person deserves it).
We should strive to be gracious and kind, and after the break-up never
speak badly about the other person.
If we’re on the receiving end of the break-up, the emotions that
flood into our hearts are going to make it very easy for us to justify
hatred and retaliation. We need to fight those impulses with everything
in us. That doesn’t mean minimizing how much it hurts to have someone
dump us, though; it just means refusing to let the hurt we’re feeling
morph into a cancer of anger and bitterness. Getting dumped sucks, but
striking back through hatred and retaliation won’t provide the healing
we’re looking for. That can only be found when we pour our energy into
our relationship with the One who is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18).
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Some of a single person’s darkest days fall after a breakup.
You risked your heart. You shared your life. You bought the gifts, made the memories, and dreamed your dreams together
— and it fell apart. Now, you’re back at square one in the quest for
marriage, and it feels lonelier than square one, and further from the
altar, because of all you’ve spent and lost.
No one begins dating someone hoping to break it off someday. The
wiring in most of us has us longing for the wedding day. We’re looking,
sometimes it feels frantically, for love, for affection and security and
companionship and commitment and intimacy and help. After all, God seems to want most of us to be married (Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 18:22; 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9). But that sure hasn’t made getting married easy.
The Pain of Intimacy Without Matrimony
The reality is that good, Christ-exalting relationships very often
fail before the ceremony, never to be recovered romantically. The pain
cuts deeper and lingers longer than most pain young people have felt in
their lives. I feel it deeply even typing these words. It’s one of the
hardest things for me to write or speak about: the pain of intimacy that
fell short of matrimony.
Breakups in the church are painful and uncomfortable, and many of us
have or will walk this dark and lonely road. So here are nine lessons
for building hope and loving others when Christians end a not-yet
marriage.
1. It’s okay to cry — and you probably should.
Breakups almost always hurt. Maybe you didn’t see it coming, and the
other person suddenly wants out. Maybe you were convinced it needed to
end, but knew how hard it would be to tell them. Maybe you’ve been
together for years. Maybe you love their family and friends. Without the
ceremony and covenant, it’s not a divorce, but it can feel like it.
It feels like divorce for a reason. You weren’t made for this misery.
God engineered romance to express itself in fidelity and loyalty — in
oneness (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:2–13).
Because dating is only a means to marriage, God’s design for our
marriages speaks to his design for our dating relationships. Dating that
dives in too quickly or dumps too carelessly does not reflect God’s
intention.
This doesn’t mean every dating relationship should end in marriage,
but it does mean breakups will hurt. Sorrow in the midst of the severing
is not only appropriate, but good. It’s nothing to hide or be ashamed
of. God created you to enjoy and thrive in love that lasts, like
Christ’s lasting love for his bride. So feel free to feel, and know that
the pain points to something beautiful about your God and his undying
love for you.
And if it doesn’t hurt, it probably should. If you can come in and
out of romance without pain or remorse, something sounds out of sync.
This doesn’t mean you have to be ruined by every breakup, but there
should be a sense that this isn’t right — it’s not how it’s supposed to
be. Hearts weren’t built to be borrowed. God needs to show some of us
the gravity of failed relationships because of what they wrongly suggest
about him and his love for the church.
2. Don’t try again too quickly.
Knowing and embracing God’s design for permanence in marriage and
dating will help us feel appropriately, but it will also help us take
healthy next steps in our pursuit of marriage. One of the worst and most
popular mistakes is moving on to the next one too soon. Especially in
the age of online dating and social media, we really don’t have to work
very hard to find another prospect.
Affection can be an addiction. If you’ve been on dates, held hands,
seen smiles, exchanged notes, experienced the sweetness of another’s
attention and affirmation, you will want more. And the easiest way to
find it is to rebound right away. But if we care about God, our witness,
our ex, and our future significant other, we’ll wait, pray, and date
patiently and carefully. It’s too easy to leave a trail of wounded
people behind in our pursuit of a partner.
It’s a lie to think that you’re not moving toward marriage if you’re
not dating someone right now. Sometimes the best thing you can do for
your future spouse is to not date. If your history looks serial, you
might need to break up with dating for a while. It can be a time to
regroup, grow, and discover a new rhythm for your future relationship.
3. You may have failed, but God didn’t.
The relationship may be over because of a specific character flaw or
failure. There are things about us — weaknesses or patterns of behavior —
that may disqualify us for marriage with a particular person. But it
does not nullify God’s grace to and through you.
Sin in relationships is some of the most visible and painful. As we
let each other further and further into our lives and hearts, the sin is
more likely to show itself and to cut the other person more deeply. In
the right measure, it is the good and proper risk of all Christian
fellowship. As people come closer, and we need this in true Christian
community, our sin inevitably becomes more dangerous. Our mess is more
likely to splash onto others, and theirs on us.
But whoever has done the failing in your breakup, it wasn’t God.
Because of Jesus, his promises never to leave or forsake you are true
every moment and in every relationship status. If you are trusting in
Christ for the forgiveness of your sin and striving to follow him and
his word, God has never abandoned you, and he will never abandon you.
God didn’t take a break from loving you in your breakup — even if you’re
the reason it’s over. His purposes are bigger than your blunders.
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Life is a journey with many roads that lead to many different
outcomes. The choices we make build the story that is our life.
Sometimes you find yourself making the same kinds of choices over and
over again and you feel like you are in a rut. This is because there is
something that you need to learn before you can move on to the next
chapter in your life. Problems will keep repeating themselves until you
can acknowledge them and make the corrections needed to close the door
on them.
Don’t let your past define you.
It is hard to move forward when you have so much attachment to the
past. The past is something that happened and it is a memory that you
will always have no matter if it was a good one or a bad one. Each
person remembers the past in their own way to what is significant to
them. You like all people are on this planet to experience joy and happiness.
It is waiting for you but you have to allow it to find you. It cannot
find you if you carry guilt or regret in your heart. You need to learn
to forgive yourself for any mistakes that you have made in the past.
You have to let go of the guilt and move into the present, into the
now. You must realize that you are standing in the middle of a spider's
web and each strand of that web represents a possible future that you
can have. You must decide how you want your future to be and then chase
that future. You can't change the past nor can you fix it so you need to
leave it in the past.
That means you need to leave all the things that happened to you
growing up in the past too. Those things happened and made you who you
are right now, but that is not who you will be in the future. You can
choose to be happy and have a great life but it means forgiving yourself
and leaving yesterday in the past as a finished chapter in the book of
you.
Once you forgive yourself and move on, then you will be ready to have
great relationships and life will start to become easier. How can you
really love anyone if you are still holding on to an old story? Everyone
else has moved on so it is your time now to say "It's OK, I am ready to
start a new chapter"
You need to live in the now.
You need to start expecting more out of life than what you have right
now. You need to be the person you were meant to be. It is time to take
charge of you and stop accepting life as it is. The first step is to
let go of the past and forgive yourself.
Mistakes are only there so we can learn and grow. They are designed
to create lessons to make us stronger, better, kinder, tougher and more
wonderful than we are today. This is one of the ways we grow. This is
how we move forward.
There is someone out there that is waiting for you.
This person will be the real love of your life, but if you don't
leave your past in the past you may never meet that person or you may
not be able to keep that person in your life. You have to be ready to
meet that person and have an open heart and be willing to give it to
that person. You may think you have already met that person and now they
are gone but I know without a doubt that this person has not come into
your life yet.
Get ready to be that person’s soul mate.
Forgive all those that have let you down or hurt you. Forgive
yourself for hurting the people you have even if they don't forgive you.
You don't need their forgiveness
all you need to do is forgive yourself and leave it in the past. Once
you truly do that you will be ready to start a new chapter in your life.
This is when you will see things turn around for you. This is when your
relationships will become better. This is when happiness will start to grow in you and around you.
This is your mission, your goal, your job.
Do this for yourself and everyone in your life.
Let go of guilt and let happiness in.
